SEX -How much should we share with our partners?

Some may think it weird that I'm asking this question and sharing my thoughts on it on such a public forum... others (those who-well- know me better as a somewhat crazy and outspoken individual) will not be so surprised and think it typical. I could just as well post on an anonymous website and get feedback from internet bloggers and total strangers.. I'd rather not though. The feedback which I would rather get is that of people I know, people I grew up with or people from similar backgrounds as me... those are the opinions I'm more interested in...

Anyway, the first question we should ask is "why do we really care about sexual history?" On a more personal note, I usually care mostly because I would like to make sure that my partner has been reasonably safe in his or her sexual encounters and will not infect me with HIV or other STD's. But if that was all, I could just ask him or her to get a check up and be satisfied with those results. However, even a clean bill of health will not always satisfy my curiosity. Usually, I will want to know at least some details of my lovers’ sexual history. For example, I would want to know if he or she has ever been interested in someone who is NOT of the opposite sex.. I mean, true a person should have a right to privacy and discretion but I should be privy to important information as such, that could potentially be a deal-breaker for me in sustaining the relationship. After all, it’s hard enough not to be jealous of some of the girls in his past, imagine how hard it would get if I became suspicious of his guy friends and his “guys night outs” as well! Other than that, as a woman, I prefer to think of myself as an adequate lover –to say the least. I’m sure I’ve had experiences that would prove the contrary, but I also have certain lovers under my belt that would probably consider the sex we had sensational. Either way, it’s in my nature to compare myself to other women and sometimes even men. Granted, there will always be people that are better than you at doing certain things and I understand that, but that doesn’t mean they were more compatible with your boyfriend or girlfriend in the big picture, and it doesn’t mean it’s not OK to want to know who and what you’re competing against.

Now, of course there are certain exceptions here that shouldn’t go unmentioned…. First of all, I genuinely believe that a person should NEVER- under ANY circumstance- ask a question if they won’t be able to handle the answer they get! That, my friends, is a GOLDEN RULE! If what you find might haunt you, STOP DIGGING! Otherwise, ask away and any self-respecting girl who’s confident and honest will answer. For example, if you want to hear that you were the BEST sex of her life, DO NOT ask; “Have you had any better?” or “Who was the best sex of your life?” Chances are, she has had uninhibited and maybe even meaningless amazing sex with some surfer dude who’s brain was so fried the rest of the time, that sex was the only thing he could possibly be good for! Think how you’ll feel once you hear this, before you ask the question. Also, stop this obsession you have with SIZE, period. If it mattered THAT MUCH she wouldn’t even be with YOU! And YES, she probably HAS HAD BIGGER, or will have, at some point in her life, and that does not automatically make it better or worse and she will not admit this because she doesn’t want you to feel inadequate!

Just to give an example, some of the WORST sex partners I have EVER had were the ones that were REALLY well endowed where as the more average guys were so attentive, strong and athletic that they truly made up for what could be said they might be lacking, so much so that one of them was the first to make me realize I had never had an Orgasm before him! And then there are some average guys (or little ones-I’m sorry to say)(you know who you are...), that instead of working to get better at pleasing your partners, well, some of you expect her to settle for PLAIN BAD SEX. Just because God didn’t give you EVERYTHING on a silver platter like some others (the lucky bastards as you often call them), doesn’t mean you should quit working to achieve perfection- or at least try to get better at something that, well, you’re supposed to keep doing for the rest of your life!

Getting back to what you shouldn’t dig…it seems like I’m coming down really hard on the guys so I’ll settle the score with the ladies as well. Stop asking if you’re the prettiest he’s ever been with. He’s probably been with at least one girl with a perfect ass, perfect tits and perfect teeth. Be happy that he’s been with her already and still has chosen to be with you now. (I know this is easier said than done and I too often have trouble with this one.) By the way, I can’t go without mentioning that there are some EXTREMELY happy couples out there who aren’t very open and honest with each other on these subjects. That works for some people, you just have to decide which kind of person you are and be honest about that with your partner. For example, some girls would rather hear that they were the best even if deep down they know it’s not true. Personally, I’m not one of them and if my lover were to say I was, I would probably start questioning him on the number and quality of lovers he had, trying to figure out why some hot model, an experienced older lover, or a threesome before me was NEVER able to give him more pleasure. But again, that’s just me. Another girl might be perfectly happy believing the white lie that she’s the one and only. It’s sort of like the guys who like to pretend that their girlfriends were virgins before them even if they weren’t.

(And yes people, there still are 25 year-old virgins out there- both men and women… But the virginal women are rarer and fewer than the men would like to think… and the inexperienced or virginal men are more in number than we women and men realize!-I recently had to deal with this awakening in a very crude manner when the last 3 guys I was with had all been with fewer partners than I had until them! And believe me, that was not a comfortable conversation at all. I finally felt what many men feel when they first hit us women with their number. Of course for men it’s not that big a deal because society often applauds them for their “conquests” where as it degrades us women for being “easy”. Well I have news for you fellows, if some of us weren’t so open minded and comfortable with sex, you men wouldn’t be getting as much as you do. And considering how MOST of you are already complaining about not getting enough S-E-X, I think it would be in your own interest to start respecting the women you try to label as cheap or easy.)

Anyway, I’ve strayed from the original topic again… I know where I stand on this topic. I prefer total openness and honesty. And I believe a person should have as many sexual partners as they feel they need in order to be healthy and happy with who they turn out to be at the end of the day. (Of course- safety is CRUCIAL so use condoms and get physicals often if you enjoy lots of kinky and no-strings attached sex!!! I can not stress the importance ENOUGH.) And I believe that the double standard society holds us women to is total BULLSH*T. Even more ridiculous, is this recent “scientific” excuses men seem to be coming up with nowadays about how a male has an ingrained need to spread his seed. Or how multiple partners for women, means not being able to tell who the father of the potential child is. We’re living the age of DNA testing and contraception as well as freedom of expression!

So cut the crap about your seed because we both know that when your dick is inside me, hard as a rock and ready to burst, neither one of us is thinking of your seed, if we were, you would lose your erection and I would freak out big time and start wearing a chastity belt!

Now that my last angry outburst is over, I can ask you guys to comment on how much YOU think is "appropriate" to share in relationships and why. (And hey maybe we’ll get so many interesting opinions that I’ll decide to write a book some day- Anonymous of course….)


Thanks for reading and for sharing…
I look forward to reading comments. (ie. MAKE SOME!) :)

CONSEQUENCE

Just because I didn't fall apart,
Doesn't mean you were right to break my heart.
Just because I kept holding on,
Doesn't prove you weren't wrong!

You were selfish,
I was blind...
Every time you left me behind.
I forgave and tried to forget.
Because of that, this is what I get.

Next time I'll try to stay strong.
When you once again realize that you were mistaken all along.
Next time I'll just put into song,
The love I had for you for so long...
I'll let it pour out of me and just wave goodbye,
Instead of letting you back in, only to make me cry!

Just because I didn't fall apart,
Doesn't mean you were right to break my heart.
Just because I kept holding on,
Doesn't prove you weren't wrong!

JILTED

You left me standing in the desert,
When you twisted my memories & ripped them apart,
With a hint of desperation & the scent of loneliness,
you recklessly filled up my desolate heart.
Stars that once shone bright faded, into blackness, into dread.
Staring me in my face, was the next dreary morning, right ahead,
But all I had the strength for was to sleep, and just stay in bed.