On the Newtown Shooting...

Why do people always seem to exploit tragedies to further some type of political agenda? 

Just One More Night

For just one night,
I want to turn back the clock,
Let go of all past heartbreaks and scars, 

I want to melt into your welcoming arms...

First dance that night away,
Then lounge on a grassy clearing,
gazing at the stars...
For just one night,
I want to turn back the clock,
And remember the feeling,
Of belonging in your arms...

Half Awake

If you ever call for me
Know that I'll be around...
You know I've felt lost most of my life,
Every single day,
I keep waiting to be found...
I keep waiting for my phone to just ring,
And wake me from this never-ending sleep
Where all my old dreams lie dead in shallow graves,
All of them either battared, neglegted or drowned.



I used to think you would be the one,
To right my world that had turned upside down,
To steer my ship back to happiness and calm.
But I guess I was blind all along
or maybe I was just wrong...
or maybe I just waited too long...
All I know is this morning I woke up
And my life had passed me by,
My youth and dreams, and all my interrupted feelings...
Everything was gone.
Somewhere along the way,
I must have fallen asleep...
And when I woke up,
Everyone had moved on...

Acceptance

Why does my heart still steer me wrong,

Every time I hear our song?
Tell me,
How can my feelings still be so strong,
After all that we've been through, needlessly...
Only hurting one another,
for so long?
When will the nasty butterflies
in my core cease to throng,
With renewed hope, leading me astray,
Each time your eyes
take a tiny break to land my way?
Show me,
What will it finally take my heart,
To put away her dream of "us"
And once and for all admit that,
You and I together, do not belong?

Fickle Sea

I trusted blindly,
In every word you said.
You said jump,
And I only asked when...
I let your lies guide me all the way,
Into unexplored terrain,
Not once thinking,
You might abondon me again...

Worthy

I gave you all of me,
Knowing better,
but still hoping you'd one day
open you eyes and see
that all that I gave,
that all that I was,
was precious enough
to truly cherish,
deserving,
of love and loyalty...
I hoped you'd see
that it was worth the risk
For us to try and be,
a "we" rather than
a separate you,
And a lonesome old me...

Reset

Wish as I may that life had a keyboard,
One like this computer that I currently hold…
I need to accept that the button to “reset”,
Only exists in the virtual world.

In games and in print,
You can usually go back…
Hit delete or reset, and immediately,
You’ll have your slate blank.

But real life doesn’t work that way.
You can’t turn back the clock and you can’t go back.
You can never un-say words that have already been uttered,
Or piece back together hearts that have already been shattered….
And no, you can’t take back memories,
Good or bad,
Experience sticks with you forever, once it’s been had.

In games and in print,
You can usually go back…
Hit delete or reset, immediately,
You’ll have your slate blank.

But time doesn’t work that way.
You can’t go back,
To the days when life was simple…
To the days when life was fun…
You can’t relive your first kiss or love,
Even if you regret how you did them the first time around.
Because there’s just no “reset” button in life to take you back.

Seventeen was ages ago,
And its magic has since vanished once and for all,
With that first heartbreak,
That paved the way for them all.

There was magic then in your heart,
Before it got painted with tears…
There was hope in you world,
Before it got tainted with fears…
Before you ended up alone and jaded,
All thanks to the many wasted years…
And since nothing ever topped that first love…
Even after all these years,
Only the first is remembered still,
Only the first stubbornly perseveres.

Book Review: Avoiding Commitment, by K.A. Linde

Looking for a book recommendation to intrigue and satisfy the masochist within? Look no further than Avoiding Commitment, by Indie Author K.A. Linde!! 

...(Click to purchase on Amazon)

Like a car crash... You know it's gonna hurt but you can't make yourself not look... Avoiding Commitment is a beautiful emotional rollercoaster that makes you want to cry one minute, and punch something the next.... (and for those of us who've had trouble letting go in the past, it's a very honest and tragic portrait of that feeling we're all too familar with...) 5 stars!!!!

Avoiding Commitment

by K.A. Linde

Like a car crash... You know it's gonna hurt but you can't make yourself not look... Avoiding Commitment is a beautiful emotional rollercoaster that makes you want to cry one minute, and punch something the next.... (and for those of us ...

tagged:
adult, love-triangle, and avoiding-series-ka-linde

Avoiding Responsibility

by K.A. Linde

Though not as powerful as the first book in the Avoiding Series (Avoiding Commitment), Avoiding Responsibility is a gripping continuation of Lexi's story. The book picks up around the time of Jack(the ultimate a*hole)'s bachelor party a...

tagged:
adult, love-triangle, and avoiding-series-ka-linde

Avoiding Intimacy

by K.A. Linde

tagged:
to-read and avoiding-series-ka-linde

1- Avoiding Commitment, K.A. Linde (Click to purchase on Amazon)

2- Avoiding Responsibility, K.A. Linde

3- Avoiding Intimacy, K.A. Linde (Click to purchase on Amazon)

Umut

Cocuksu bir saflikla inanan,
hayran gozlerle doyamadan baktim yuzune,
Titreyerek, nefes nefese...
Yildizlarin altinda vazgecip kendimden,
herseyimi verdim ben sana o gece.
Sevmedigini bilsem de kalbimin derinliklerinde,
Yalan askina isteyerek guvendim,
Sonuna kadar, gozlerim kapali.
Seni istedim,
Seni sevdim.

Cehalet Mutluluktur!!

"Bir orospu bile Berrak'la dolasmamali." lise yillarimin en can yakici cumlelerinden biri olmakla beraber bana korku, paranoya ve haksizliga ugramanin nasil duygular oldugunu belki de ilk defa somut denebilicek kadar yogun bir bicimde yasatan cumleydi. Yalnizlik ve dislanmak yabanci duygular degildi belki ama o gune kadar kiz kardesim haricinde kimsenin benden gercekten nefret edebilecegini dusunmuyordum.( Kiz kardesimse zaten hem beni cok sevip hem nefret ettiginden sevgisi nefretini dengeliyordu ve bu yuzden cok fazla canimi yakmiyordu.) Ne de olsa hayatimda kimseye kasten kotuluk yapmamistim. Tabi ki hatalarim vardi, insanlara zor isiniyor ve belki bazilarini ayiriyordum. Kimini en ufak hatada silerken, kiminin her hatasini gormezden gelmeyi secebiliyordum. Fakat bu bile zarari baskalarindan cok bana olan bi tavir oldugundan nefretin hayatimda yeri olabilecegi, birilerinin durup dururken bana bu kadar tepkili olabilecegi asla aklimin ucundan bile gecmemisti.

Dokunma

Dokunma,
Dokunsan aglayacak gibiyim diyorum,
Dokunmuyorlar...
Dokulmeyen goz yaslarimi
biriktiriyorum ben de...
Tane tane,
Bir bir,
akiyorlar
alttan alttan,
icime, sinsice...
Gorunmez,
kokusuz,
su tadinda zehir damlalari,
Kalbime akip yerlesiyorlar sessizce.
Yavas yavas,
Adim adim,
Yaraliyorlar benligimi biriktikce...


Zaman yaralari sarar dedikce,
Bir yorgunluk,
Bir umutsuzluk,
Cokuyor.
Yayiliyor git gide...
Yuregim delik desik,
O akamayan yaslarin actigi
derin delikler,
Zamana yenilip, baska yaralar gibi
kapanmiyorlar bir turlu nedense...
Dokunma,
Dokunsan aglayacak gibiyim dedigimde
Dokunmak lazim belki de...

Ama birak,
Ugrastigina degmeyebilir...
Ondan dokunma sen bence,

Kendi keyfine bak sadece.

Bosluk

Gozu gormeyene uzuluyoruz,
Gunes batiminda renklerin dansini seyredemiyor diye,
Kulagi duymayana uzuluyoruz
Hayat muziksiz eksik kalir diye,
Yuruyemeyen cocuga uzuluyoruz
Kosup oynamadan cocukluk mu olur diye...
Butun bu insanlara aciyoruz rastladikca
Hayatlarini bir turlu eksik yasiyorlar diye de;
Bu saydiklarimizin hepsini yapabilirken,
Kalbi buz kesmis, sevgisiz yasamaya mahkumlara
Donup de bakmiyoruz bir saniye bile...
Sanki sevgisizlik hepsinden fena eksik yasamak degilmis gibi,
Birakiyoruz onlari kendi hallerine,
Hic yasamadan olmeyi beklesinler
Sevgisiz geldikleri gibi sevgisiz gitsinler diye...

Ozlem

Herseyin ilaciymis zaman,
Gectikce alisirmisim ozlemine...
Papagan gibi tekrarlanan
cumlelerle avutuluyorum,
cocuk gibi, gun gectikce.
Kimse karsima cikip adam gibi,
Konusmuyor tum ciplakligiyla gercekleri...
Hep ozleyeceksin, hep aciyacak icin,
Bedenler topraga karistiginda bile gecmeyecek,
Sevindiginde de uzuldugunde de,
Elin telefona gidecek hep, hatirlayana dek.
Sonra yalniz ve korunmasiz hissedeceksin kendini,
Eskisinden de cok...
Terk edilmis...
Bilsen de isteyerek gitmedigini kizacaksin bazi gunler,
Haksizlik bu diye haykirmak isteyeceksin belki de,
Herkes susacak tas kesilip,
korkup halinden...
Iste boyle bir sey bu ozlem.

Hatalar Denizi

Hatalar denizi
Hoyrat,
Calkantili...
Dalgalari Islatiyor bir bir yaralarimi,
Derin derin kanatiyor unutulmayanlar.
Kactikca gecmisten akintiya karsi direnip,
Yuzdukce yoruluyor,
Suda batiyor hantal bedenim.
Hatalar denizinde,
Karanlik hatiralarimla basbasa,
sessizce boguluyorum...
Deniz merhametsiz.
Yaralarsa merhemsiz....
Zayif ve yorgunum artik,
Hayata karsi hep yenik...
Gecmek bilmiyor gunlerim,
ben eski ben degilim...
kalmamis artik hic,
O eski savasci ruhumdan bugune iz.

Israf

Mantigima inat sevebildigim gunleri
bir gun arayacagimi bilseydim,
hoyratca harcadigim gozyaslarimi
bugune saklardim...

Stuck

There are some stories in life that you just absolutely need to get off your chest and maybe even onto paper, in your own words, because it feels like if you don't, you won't remember how you got to where you ended up eventually... So until you can really pour out those stories without holding back, you end up holding on to everything, including the insignificant stuff, just to make sure you dont accidentally omit important details of your journey... And remembering so much sooner or later gets you stuck in a past you can do nothing to change...

Small

When I See You See Me...
With just one look
You can make me shrink...
With a tiny glance
I don't even stand a chance...
Because when you look at me
All high and mighty,
eyes full of pity, disapprovingly...
The only thing that sticks with me
Is that i feel small... So small...

Men Will Be Men...

I often wonder why it's less painful to get hurt by gorgeous/sexy men... (at least that has usually been my experience so far) and I have a theory about this...

Book Review: Bridesmaid Lotto, by Rachel Astor

I laughed so hard I cried... If anyone needs a light read with the sarcasm and humor of bridget jones diaries, or some of sophie kinsellas great stories with an equal touch of romance, hilarity and tragedy...  Bridesmaid Lotto, by Rachel Astor and the next 2 books in the series is perfect for you... And I most certainly can't say enough amazing things about my favorite gay best friend ever...Mattie alone, is a good enough reason to read the books and make sure not to drink too much water, and don't delay the necessary bathroom breaks or you'll definitely be peeing ur pants in a McMaster the Disaster fashion!! :)

Book Recommendation: Bridesmaid Lotto

Bridesmaid Lotto

by Rachel Astor

I laughed so hard i cried... If anyone needs a light read with the sarcasm and humor of bridget jones diaries, or some of sophie kinsellas great stories with an equal touch of romance, hilarity and tragedy... this book and the next 2 in ...

tagged:
funny and romantic-comedy

wanting & fear

When you let fear stop you from doing something you kind of want to try, keep in mind that eventually the regret you feel for chickening out will become way more permanent, consuming and powerful than the fear ever was... If that thought doesn't help push you forward, you'll know for sure you didn't really want to go there, you just thought you might...

Plastic

Welcome,
to the Plastic Generation... 
Where,
the most real and genuine 
things women have
are their diamante jewelry 
and their knock-offf purses...
-sadly that includes 
our "tatas" and our smiles!

Human Nature

They will cover their ears if u dare talk...
but u can hear a pin drop,
that's how closely they'll listen
when u wish to keep quiet!!

Bad Apple

The more I see of the world the more I think everyone is capable of doing anything and eveything... And the more I realize this the more I'm scared to love people... Because we rot from the inside out and not the other way around...